Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
