I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
