this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
