And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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