It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
