Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
