Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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