Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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