i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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