you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
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