the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
