I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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