I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
