i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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