he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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