one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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