Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Randomize
