Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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