Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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