Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
