Need sex. Gaining weight.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
