I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize