It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
