i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
