Whod you bang
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
