You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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