i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
