i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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