dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
