Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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