so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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