That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
