Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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