he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
