She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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