my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
