I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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