Already got asked if we're dating
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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