she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize