remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
