Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
