I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
