I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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