I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize