i think my tv is drunk
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Randomize
