I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
