The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
