I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
