I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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