He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
