Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize