Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
