So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
