How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
do herpes really smell.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
