so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
