We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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