the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
