His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
