The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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