Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
