those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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