we're blogging at a bar
I puked a lego.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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