did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
