u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
