I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Randomize
