So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
