I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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