We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
