if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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